It's incredibly challenging navigating raising kids in the digital age that looks so different to the one we grew up in - but we have some books that make it easier.
Currently the online and digital experience for our tamariki is a huge topic, and for good reason. Children experience a lot of benefits from their access to technology and digital spaces and tools, but there are also a huge number of risks and downsides to be aware of as a parent. At a time when our government here in Aotearoa is considering a ban for all under 16s on social media, whilst others argue that this is a band aid solution that doesn't actually address the key concerns, the most important thing is to find your way as a whānau.
The Books to Help
Screen Wise by Madonna King
A new release that caught our attention, this book looks like such a great resource for parents and is written in a solutions based manner with lots of practical advice for children aged from toddlerhood to teens. This would be the first one I would pick up, and because it has just come out recently it's also up to date with the latest research and the outcomes of the Australian social media ban which is really interesting to reflect on.
It's an empowering read rather than a terrifying one, and puts a lot of power into the hands of the parents but also the kids and teens who need to develop the skillset required for life online.
The Teenage Guide to Digital Wellbeing by Tanya Goodin
A guide written for teens and tweens, helping them to find balance with their screens. I love that this book helps encourage tamariki to set their own goals and limits, to reflect on their own use of the internet, and to find a mindful approach to making sure they live a full and happy life in the here and now. It's a nice balance of acknowledging that for our teens the online and digital world isn't going anywhere, but we can nurture the skills and mindsets that will lead to them feeling safe and supported online, and confident in themselves.
digital freedom by Maggie Dent and Kirra Pendergast
One of Australia's leading voices in the world of parenting has written this book in collaboration with a top online safety expert, providing a common-sense approach for parents on the what, how, when and why of digital safety. Covering the basics like when you should give your kids a phone, all the way up to how we help kids develop a healthy relationship with technology, this brand new book is perfect for arming parents with a hopeful and informed toolkit of facing parenting in a digital landscape.
Growing Up Digital by Susan McLean
A book from earlier this year, Growing Up Digital, is another very approachable guide for parents full of real life case studies and up-to-date resources about the incredibly fast changing landscape of life online for our kids. Susan's approach is around educating parents on the risks children face online, reminding them of how capable they are as true digital natives unlike us, and then equipping both parent and child with the tools to equip 'digital armour'.
Screen Smart Children by Dr Mark Williams and Gavin McCormack
Neuroscientist and Educator have paired up to collaborate on this book about understanding technology and it's impact on tamariki, and the result is a cutting-edge guide about how screen exposure is rewiring children's brains and the ways we can guide them towards healthier habits. This would be a great read for parents, and teachers alike, full of tools that support wellbeing and reduce risk.
The Amazing Generation By Catherine Price and Jonathan Haidt
Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt was my first read in this topic with his popular book The Anxious Generation, although it did leave me a little more terrified than before. He delves into the research about the transition from a play-based childhood to a screen-based one, and all the damaging effects this has on our tamariki. I think if you are going the screen-free route though, his book written with Catherine Price, The Amazing Generation, is a gem - written for children to talk about how they can enjoy a life off their phones and sharing the research most relevant to them.
Top Tips (for navigating the online world for tamariki)
To me, a mama who will one day soon have to make these decisions too, and as someone who worked a lot in this space in my previous role as Children's Rights Educator for Save the Children NZ, I have a few thoughts - take what helps and leave the rest (and then read what the actual experts have to say in the books we recommend below).
- Communication is Key. The biggest factor of safety for our tamariki when they start to be more online and using more digital tools is having open and honest channels of communication. The most important thing is for them to know they can come to you if they make a mistake or encounter something that makes them uncomfortable.
- Research is key - this helps you to understand what you are faced with and the impacts of the decisions you make. Read more than one person's thoughts - some are a lot more fear based whilst others are more positive about our children growing up in a digital world. The more you read, the more you can articulate where you fall on the spectrum.
- Use your family values to guide decisions. This can be a whānau chat about what is important to your family e.g. kindness, respect, curiosity, safety, and how this translates to the way we are online.
- Use the tools that are out there. There are some amazing tools to help parents and tamariki navigate life online. Check out netsafe.org.nz to see more about this.
- Keep an eye on your own screen time habits. This again comes back to this being a family issue, not just something for our kids. We all know how draining it can feel to waste time getting lost in our tiny screen and the endless dopamine rush of scrolling. As a family when talking about online habits and how we can use digital technology in healthy ways, make sure to include the adults too. Share your struggles, how it feels when things go wrong for you, and the ways you come back to a healthier approach.
- Remember, you know your tamariki best. You know what kind of guidelines will be best for them, what approach most effective. Learning about what works well for other families, and what experts recommend, is all really helpful but don't forget to check in with your own wisdom too.
- You don't need to have all the answers. Parenting often feels like just trying to stay one micro step ahead, and it is absolutely okay for you to be learning about different digital spaces and tools that your children are using alongside them. Let them know that you're learning too, get them to share with you what they know - they navigate this online world so effortlessly and the more we get them to teach us about it the more we empower our tamariki to feel confident and capable online.